Overcoming the Demons

I remember this day so vividly. One of our first family adventures from when we moved to Idaho, in 2017. The scenery upon “Table Rock” in Boise was insanely beautiful and the kids were blown away by the fun. Jumping off giant boulders, walking under caverns that look like caves, experiencing new plants and wild animal life. What isn’t to love!?

What this picture doesn’t show is behind the smile was a woman filled with anxiety and fear. It haunted me and literally left me paralyzed in my tracks on almost every family adventure we had from 2017-2020. I struggled with adrenal fatigue for years and the hazards that came along with it were almost too much to bare. I had moments of such horrific darkness and couldn’t handle stress. It left me hiding in the blankets and not able to face anyone or anything. I would explode at the littlest offense and then retreat to bury myself as deep as I could. There was nowhere I could hide that would relieve the emptiness and confusion I felt.

The spiritual warfare that was after me had many physical side effects. Did you know that the physical and spiritual worlds affect each other? I didn’t. I couldn’t understand how someone who loved God and read her Bible so much could suffer with darkness the way I did. That day when we went hiking I panicked and freaked out as my kids tried exploring. I couldn’t move on a section of the trail as my tunnel vision focused in on the cliff that I was walking along. Looking back, I know that I was safe and would have probably laughed at someone who would be so scared of that hike. It really wasn’t a scary trail, so why was I terrified!?

During that time of our lives we had traveled to Idaho to work with a non-profit called INsideOUT. We were missionaries working to raise awareness about local human trafficking and teach the community how they could help end this evil. We were being trained to become therapeutic foster parents who could house girls who had been victims of human trafficking. We would become equipped to help these girls learn to thrive in life as they would break free from their pasts trauma.

What I didn’t understand was as we were focusing on ministering to these girls and raising our kids, it left me wide open with a target on my back. My mind and heart were deeply attacked. I didn’t understand how to discern God’s voice over the dark thoughts I was having in my head? I was feeling every emotion with extreme highs and lows. How was I supposed to suit up when the enemy threw blow after blow toward me? My health soon began to spiral downhill as an aftermath and that didn’t make matters any better. Again, that spiritual/physical connection. There was something happening to me spiritually that I didn’t know how to recognize and it was not only harming me spiritually, but also physically. I was blindsided and din’t even know it!

I started seeking natural healing through meditation, yoga, and what I ended up finding out was, I was into white witchcraft. Before I knew it, the darkness that I was so desperate to get away from had me dabbling in New Age practices that were showcased as good, but after deep investigation, are actually founded in the occult.

What do I do now!? Everything that I thought was helping me get the healing I needed was from satanic worship practices. I read Dr. Neil T. Anderson’s book “The Biblical Guide to Alternative Medicine” and learned to test everything to Scripture. Reading this book and learning to test everything to Scripture was the foundation for what I needed to do to get everything in my life in order.

I began testing not only medicine, but everything I had been taught in life. The foods we are told are toxic to our health like milk and grains and sugars. I went to the Bible to see what it had to say. What about the traditions I kept and the way we were raising our kids every day? I’m telling you, I began going to the Bible for everything! If I had a question about life, I would pray and ask the Father and go to His Word. Somethings He answered me immediately or within few days. Other things I have waited for 2 years for an answer. Many of my questions He has answered through His Word and confirmed it. You know what I mean, when you are thinking something and wondering and then the next day you open your Bible and it talks about said question. Then you are driving to town and the radio plays a song and it's about the thing you were seeking answers on. Next, a person will bring it up or you will hear about it on a podcast you are listening to. That’s confirmation. That’s the Deuteronomy 13 test. Learning to test everything to scripture and it being confirmed with 2-3 witnesses.

Over time, I have been healed naturally by our Heavenly Father. As I was seeking answers in life and testing everything to Scripture, I have found truth, peace, redemption, and the most authentic relationship with my God, YHWH Elohim.

His Word has taught me how to suit up and fight back. I learned to use spiritual weapons to fight this war that I couldn’t see but knew I had a key role in. My soul has been healed and made strong in my Messiah. He has answered me and shown me what is needed to have a physical healing, as well as a spiritual wake-up call!

What have I learned??? So much!!! To discern His voice against all others. His ways are perfectly intentional and lead to abundant life. I am now able to walk in His light and therefore the darkness must flee. I have learned to hide His Word in my heart so that I will not sin against Him.

I’m not perfect, but because of His perfect Son I am able to seek perfection. He takes my filthy rags and exchanges them for white linen. He shows me how to walk in righteousness. He has renewed me and as the darkness tries to creep back in…I breathe…and I begin to worship.

Worshipping and crying out with my whole heart as I sing at the top of my lungs old hymns of amazing grace. I sing scripture that He has hidden in my heart and His Set Apart Spirit brings to my mind in those moments when the enemy is trying to fight against me. I am overwhelmed by the loving-commitment that the One True God has for a broken person like me.

As I continue to seek Him daily, and pray His will be done, I am reminded that He walked alongside me during those moments of brokenness and allowed me to suffer through them because He could use me to one day help others overcome these demons.

These unclean spirits that try sneaking in our lives, they’ve been around for a long time and they know their battle plan. They know what is needed to steal, kill, and destroy. They don’t have to work hard at it at first because we don’t recognize what’s going on. Then one day, out of nowhere, you could be like me, hiking with my family and it hits like a semi-truck…and you can’t breath.

I am glad that I remember those feelings when I look at this picture. He isn’t letting me forget because He knows I need that fire in my belly to never want to go back to that way of life again. When the enemy tries taking me there I get the fire in my tummy and I know what to do. Stand firm! Suit up! Get ready to fight back!

The demons in my life no longer have the upper hand. What once crippled me and took me down to my knees in defeat doesn’t work as easily. I recognize their schemes and YHWH has showed me HIS battle plan! I suit up with my helmet of salvation, belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shoes of peace, and shield of faith. Those things protect me because of my Heavenly Father who gave me this righteous armor, but now, now I’ve learned how to use the sword of the Spirit.

It’s sharper than any double-edged sword. It pierces through bone and marrow. The sword is the Word of YHWH. His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. His Word became flesh and dwelt among us. His Word is truth. His Word is righteousness. By using this sword I am able to walk in victory, today! Tear down giants, today! Break strongholds and be free from darkness, TODAY!

I didn’t know how to do all of this until I took the Word that I was reading each day and began applying it. The commands that I was taught by man were obsolete and no longer valid because of grace, I began studying. As I studied the Word in whole and walking in obedience to what it said, that Word that was once just a book became my fiercest weapon. So fierce it made the demons run and flee by the Mighty Name of Yahusha (Jesus) Messiah.

Going back to the beginning of the book (the Old Testament) made the end of the book (the New Testament) come alive and make sense. Questions I once had, answered. Contradictions I thought were in the Bible, suddenly came together and made sense! It didn’t happen overnight. Just like my healing wasn’t miraculously overnight. YHWH chose to let me go through all that I did because He knew I was stubborn and prideful in my ways and my religion. He slowly tore down those obstacles and revealed to me the way He truly wanted me to live.

Humble. Victorious. Intentional. Disciplined. Righteous. Obedient!

Now, I am on a journey to continue discovering truth. I seek Him and day, after, day, I grow deeper in my relationship with Him. I still get questions that pop up, we do after all live in quite a unique time of history. Still, I am renewed with the hope that I serve the God who never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow (Malachi 3:6) and He knows everything that is to come.

Studying His Word and reading His Torah and Prophets helps me when I see what is happening today. I can look at the current events taking place and not give in to the fear and anxiety that I was once so familiar with. I can breathe, pray, read the Word, and renew my mind that no matter what takes place, my God has a plan and those who seek Him and walk obediently in His Torah will be protected under His wing.

I don’t want to give you all of the answers here today. I can’t do the homework for you. If you have dealt with even the smallest amount of anything I have shared today, I encourage you to pray to YHWH Elohim (our Creator God) and read His Word. Seek Him and He will be found. Knock and the door will be opened. He is faithful and is waiting for you to ask.

Be blessed. Seek YHWH. Share the truth.

Lots of love,

Ashley

“notmessmama”

Above Picture: "Table Rock" overlooking Boise, Idaho