Are You a Not - Mess - Mama?

What, or rather who, is a “notmessmama?”

Well, let’s back up and talk about how I often feel like a “hotmess” mama.

Just now, as I tried to sit here and focus on what I am trying to write my kids (who are supposed to be working together to do the dishes) are literally jumping off the dining room table screaming like wild animals in a zoo exhibit. What, am I the only one with THOSE kids? (insert crickets) The hotmess mama in me frantically screams across the house, “What the heck are you doing!? Are you freaking kidding me right now!? PLEASE be quiet!”

I’ll give you time to judge me for a moment...Okay…ring it back in…

The “notmessmama” doesn’t come naturally for someone like me. It is only obtained through mindful and intentional thinking guided by the Set-Apart Holy Spirit. Being a notmessmama is a journey embraced with love and grace for yourself and your loved ones around you. It is the awareness (and confession!) that “I can’t do this thing called life well, on my own! I need something, no…SOMEONE to help me in those moments when I do something and end up shaking my head, immediately after, in guilt and shame, because let’s face it, I could have handled that better.”

Every parent on planet earth will probably, at one time or another, perhaps even on many occasions, have those “hotmess moments” in life. With that being said, not every mother out there has the capability and gift to become a notmessmama. Why? Because the issues at hand are way bigger and deeper then you or I can even imagine and not everyone will be equipped to handle it.

Many times when we “freak out” on our kids or our husband, and regret it later, it's because there are things going on under the surface that we aren’t aware of. It’s easy to blame it on frustration, lack of sleep, lack of coffee, the need for a large glass of wine and/or dark chocolate, but those are just surface level issues. No matter what it is that is going on in your day, there are other things at play that we never talk about because many people don’t realize the reality of what it is we are dealing with.

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the whole armor of Elohim, that you may stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

- Ephesians 6:10-12

Okay, you may think I’ve fallen off my rocker and I’ve gone off of the deep end. How can I compare daily issues in which we lose our “cool” with our families to a few verses in the Bible about spiritual warfare?

The answer is too simple that it almost sounds crazy.

I truly believe the reason why we “lose our cool” and act like a “hotmess” with those we love most is because we have a very real world that we live in and see with our eyes, feel with our hands, hear with our ears, and taste with our mouths. Equally so, we very much live with an invisible world surrounding us and the devil is at large in this world (his playground) to do everything he can to hold us captive to sin.

When Yahshua (Jesus’s Hebrew name) teaches about the good Shepherd in John 10 we see a glimpse of Satan’s role in our lives.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” - John 10:10

Don’t you see? It’s the devil’s sole purpose to taint the image of our Father in heaven and he will do anything he can to destroy us. If someone wanted to steal from, kill, or destroy you wouldn’t you want to do something about it!? But when we aren’t aware of our enemy’s tactics and plans to harm us, we go on with our lives thinking it’s just the normal wear and tear of life.

WARNING! It’s not! Hear me…This is not the way things were supposed to be!

Think about those times when you are having a “hotmess” moment. When it has happened to me, I have been expressing a lack of self-control, anger, frustration, and impatience. As a believer in Yahshua, I am supposed to be showing: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These are the fruit of the Set-Apart Holy Spirit. How is it that I can say I love YHWH (Yahweh) my Elohim (Creator God) and be filled with attributes that are complete opposite of His Set-Apart Spirit?

Matthew 7:15-20 talks about the fruit we bare. It is how we, as believers, can know who is a false prophet (teacher) or not. I can say I am a Christian, blast Christian music, teach my kids the 10 commandments and how to love YHWH and love others, but if my actions are the complete opposite of Galatians 5:22-23, then what kind of fruit am I truly living out?

Romans 3:22-24, “the righteousness of Elohim is through belief in Yahshua Messiah to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference, for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of Elohim, being declared right, without paying, by His grace through the redemption of Yahshua Messiah.”

You see, without a Savior we are all going to have “hotmess” moments, but when we accept Yahshua, we are forgiven of our sins and have hope for our future. Now I don’t have to continue living in those moments when I freak out on my kids and husband. I am still very capable of living this way, but if I choose to seek Elohim and try to obey His commands, by living out His Word, then He gives me (and you!) the tools we need to be better.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as your shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which is the the word of Elohim, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.” - Ephesians 6:13-18a

When I am mindful and intentional about my time with Elohim, I am a better wife, mother, friend, and overall person. I give more grace and compassion to others because I am made very aware that I would be lost and hopeless if I was not shown grace and compassion. I am reminded that we are called to love YHWH and others (Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5-6). When I hold these thoughts captive to Christ, I am able to strive to be a notmessmama. It is nothing fancy or special I do, but it is what the Set-Apart Holy Spirit is doing within and through me.

We all have a choice. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my husband and kids to walk on egg shells every time I enter the room. There are moments I slip, in which this blog will clearly demonstrate, but I am better then I was yesterday and the day before. Tomorrow, I hope I will be better than I am, today. When we mess up (which we will!), we repent and ask our loved ones for forgiveness. Then, we try again. Each day, seeking to be mindful and intentional with the choices that we make.

Here is to a journey of turning “hotmess mama’s” into “notmess mama’s.” It won’t be easy and the Holy Spirit has His work cut out for Him, but we are all on this journey together. I want to challenge you to say out loud, “I am no longer a hot mess mama because in Christ, I am a NOT mess mama!”

Be blessed. Seek YHWH. Share the truth.

Lots of love,

Ashley Austin

@notmessmama