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When did my journey to truth begin?

Was it when my mother took my brothers and me away from an abusive father when we were young and we finally slept safe and sound at night? Maybe it was when we were church hopping as a pre-teen and I was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins because an old Minister preached hell, fire, and brimstone? Was it when my life of partying and unhealthy relationships led to me fleeing and seeking refuge in another state at a Christian University? How did they let me in!? Perhaps it was when I entered full-time ministry as a Youth Pastor’s wife?

When I sit here and look back on the major events in my life I think it was all of the above. Every single trial and success over the course of my 35 years of life has molded together to make up the person I am today. We have each had a lifetime of highs and lows that, if we are wise, we reflect upon and learn to adjust as we go through each new day.

When I look at my relationship with YHWH (Yahweh) my Elohim (Creator God), I am in awe that I have survived most of which I have encountered. To go through the intimate details of my life will take too much time and I won’t bore (or shock!) you with those details. For the purpose of this blog though, I would like to highlight some key events that led to revelations that opened my eyes and heart to make some dramatic changes in our family’s life.

Throughout my entire relationship with our Father in heaven I have been a “non-denominational Christian.” I went to church on and off growing up, had my time(s) of rebellion and always ended back at the feet of Elohim. In Bible college they call that the “sin cycle.”

I feel like many of us have our own testimonies of how Elohim has changed us and we have come to have a relationship with Him. I devoted my life to Christ and decided to go into ministry after a horrible cycle of sin and decided I was done with that side of me forever! I met my husband, Chris, at Lincoln Christian University in Lincoln, Illinois in the fall semester of 2004. We ended up being married in August 2006 and have been doing Youth Ministry together full time throughout the United States. We have called Illinois, Indiana, and Idaho home over the years.

In 2009 we were blessed by our first son, Grady Michael Austin. Being a parent changed my world. I never knew I could love someone so much. Being a mother gave me a fulfillment and desire for life that I never possessed. 2011 approached and we welcomed Cohen Wade into the world. We thought our family was complete, but Yah didn’t agree. He surprised us with our daughter, Ainsley Hope in the fall of 2013. Be still my heart!

Each of our children are unique and wonderful blessings to us. Their personalities and talents blow me away along with their boldly fierce attitudes. Let me tell you, they are going to be heard! (insert chuckle)

When our son, Cohen, was a year old he was diagnosed with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome which is a form of Arthrogryposis (AMC). It is a mutation of his MYH3 gene and results in physical abnormalities which has made parts Cohen’s life a big struggle. He requires constant physical and occupational therapies, braces on his legs to help him walk, and in 2015 he underwent a lifesaving heart transplant because his AMC led to Restrictive Cardiomyopathy which resulted in heart failure. I know this is a lot and I am not going to go into much detail on this actual journey for the sake of length in this blog post. It was such an intense journey I literally wrote a book about it and self published it on Amazon to help me process and deal with our new lives. Check it out here: #CohensJourney

What I do want to cover today are some things that I came across during my studies at that time of my life.

When we were told that Cohen needed a new heart to live our world was turned upside down. We were normal people and the thing we were told was something that you would see trending on Facebook or the Ellen Show. This kind of thing didn’t happen to a normal family in ministry? After the initial shock and denial set in we were getting used to life with a child with special needs and having a child who started Kindergarten and a baby entering the terrible two’s - we were overwhelmed by much. Nonetheless, Elohim was so faithful.

I remember reading Deuteronomy 30 and how it talked about how we are supposed to obey YHWH our Elohim with all of our hearts. That we (and our children) should love Him, turn back to Him, and obey His commands. That when we obey Him and keep His commands we will have life and blessings. If we disobey Him and turn away from Him we will have death and curses.

“I have set before you life and death, blessing and the curse. Therefore you shall choose life, so that you live, both you and your seed, to love YHWH your Elohim, to obey His voice, and to cling to Him - for He is your life and the length of your days…” - Deuteronomy 30:19b-20a

My heart was renewed and my eyes were opened. I could see and hear these words clearly, unlike ever before. I couldn’t believe how it was jumping off the page of my Bible and speaking to me. But (I wondered) what does it mean?

I remember speaking to friends and family about these verses and everyone kept telling me how it was written to the Israelites and has nothing to do with us today. That didn’t sit well with me. How could these words be so vivid and alive to me if they were just history and not applicable to me today? It was so alive on my heart. I knew that Elohim was telling me to seek Him and obey His Words and He would bless us.

That’s what I did. I was so hungry for the Word of YHWH. One day I was reading James 5 and it said, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let hims sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up.” (vs 13-15)

Deut. 30 came to my mind when I read those verses in James. Obey His voice and cling to Him and He will bless us with life. I talked to Chris, our head Pastor, and the elders, and they all agreed we should anoint Cohen with oil and pray over him for healing. I had never heard of anyone in a non-denominational church actually doing this kind of thing before, but it was clearer then the hand in front of my face. I could see and knew we had to do it. I was new to this and didn’t know exactly what oil we should use for the anointing? Do we have some delivered from Jerusalem? Do we go to a Christian book store? Olive Oil? Coconut Oil?

Frankincense.

It just came to my mind and I figured if it was good enough to be a gift to our Messiah, it was good enough for us. I had been on my journey with essential oils for a few years, by then, so I already had the frankincense, at home. When we obeyed the Scriptures to pray over Cohen with anointing oil and ask the Father for healing it was such an amazing day. I had so much peace and spiritual renewal about my son’s fate. I trusted that Cohen was healed. I had never really read something in the bible and applied it so literally to my life before.

Some things you should know to give you some background of how miraculous our son’s journey truly is:

- Cohen was too sick to receive a heart transplant. He had to undergo a vigorous course of medication to get fluid off of his lungs to be considered a transplant recipient according the the UNOS standards. - Two months later, Cohen was put on the UNOS list.

- Cohen’s Cardiologist told us that his heart failure was so bad, he wouldn’t be strong enough to wait for his new heart at home. At some point in his journey, he would have to live at Riley Children’s Hospital on medication and receive a Berlin Heart in order to stay alive long enough for the right heart to become available. - Cohen waited at home on the least amount of medication the ENTIRE 7 months that he waited for a heart.

- On November 24, 2015 we got the call that a perfect heart was donated and Cohen was the next recipient on the UNOS list for the organ transplant. I ALMOST said no! (Before you judge me hear me out!) I was so convinced by my faith in the anointing of oils and prayers for healing for Cohen that I thought he was healed and someone else could use the heart. In that brief moment of hesitation I had a thought (I think from Elohim!) “Who are you to decide how God chooses to heal your son? If he is already healed they will open him up and see that he is fine - praise Yah! If he needs this heart though, you need to remember you are not God…Say, YES.” I did. I said, yes!

- Early November 25, 2015 Cohen received his new healthy heart, after surgery, that last all evening and went into the early morning. When the doctors opened him up they told us that they didn’t know how he was still alive. His heart was basically already dead inside of him and the events of him staying home for his heart and not receiving the Berlin Heart were beyond science and they didn’t understand. In THAT MOMENT I knew that it was because of YHWH our Elohim. Cohen needed the new heart and Yah allowed him to stay alive long enough to receive it.

That was A LOT of backstory to get to where I am going. If you are still with me…WOW! Thank you for sticking around. There are some things I want to share with you.

In the Christian Church today, we are told that Jesus is the only way to the Father. That is SO TRUE! It is our salvation in Jesus Christ that gives us freedom from our sins and allows us to have a relationship with our Father in heaven. Something that has always bothered me though is how we don’t apply all of the Bible to our lives today. If you have been a Christian for a while you have probably been faced with things in Scripture that contradict each other or maybe you have been told (like I was) that the Old Testament is good so we can learn history, but the only thing we really need to focus on, today, is the New Testament.

If I wouldn’t have read Deuteronomy 30 (which is in the Old Testament) then I would have never been bold enough to ask about anointing with oils for prayer and healing that I read in James. Something that YHWH has put on my heart over these last few years is there is no disconnect or contradiction in Scripture. Yahshua (the true Hebrew name for Jesus, the Son of God) didn’t come to abolish the law and commands of the Father, He came to fulfill them. It is through Yahshua that we have the forgiveness of sin and the chance of everlasting life, but when you study the New Testament it is filled with accounts of how we are supposed to live out the law of YHWH and that leads to righteousness.

During my time as a Christian I have read books from Christian authors that makes us think that it’s okay to have anxiety, anger, and eating disorders. (We’ll save this topic for another blog, I promise!) That we are free to watch “whatever we want,” listen to “whatever music we want,” and eat “whatever we want” because Jesus makes all things new and in Him we have grace.

Well…in my time of study and in recent revelations of truth (that started back when I read Deuteronomy 30 over 5 years ago) I have come to realize that yes there is grace, but that doesn't mean I can do whatever I want.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? We were buried therefore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” - Romans 6:1-4

I could keep quoting Romans 6 on our life in Yahshua and how sin should be dead to us now. There is so much good stuff in there!

If someone told you they were on the run for murder, you would avoid them. If someone was a child predator, you wouldn’t let them come to your kid’s birthday party. These are common things we KNOW to avoid. Why is it okay, then, for us to break other commandments? Why are we okay with so many thing that the Bible clearly says is wrong and yet, we justify it? We get tangled up in picking and choosing scriptures to fit our personal lifestyles.

If you are still here, thank you again. I know this has been a lot, but my point to this blog isn’t to condemn people for sin or make you tear up at my son’s testimony. Rather, I have been learning a lot of truth from God’s Word lately and I have to share it.

In this blog, I pray that I can shed some light on things that we do and don’t do in our world today and compare them to Scripture. The goal is to bring YHWH glory with every single thing that we say and do. If there are some hot and hard topics or issues that we as parents and followers of Truth, in YHWH’s Word, that we come across, then we can address them and see what to do about them?

We all know we live in crazy times. Living set-apart and striving for Christ-centered lives isn’t going to be easy, because the world will say we are crazy, but it is going to be worth it.

Fact: no one can escape the judgment that will come one day. Just read Revelation and discern that for yourself. If we seek Yah and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33) and choose each day to obey His commands (Deut. 30) then no matter what we face in life, we will be blessed. This blog is set up so we know that we aren’t alone. There are other believers out there who are going through the same or similar things.

I look forward to this journey with you, in hopes, that we can all live in this hotmess world and, in Christ, we can be a notmessmama among those around us.

Be blessed. Seek YHWH. Share the truth.

Lots of love,

Ashley Austin

@notmessmama

Above: I held Cohen in my arms as we were wheeled down the hallway of the hospital so he could receive his life saving heart transplant. - November 24, 2015

Above: Cohen enjoying life, at home, during the Summer of 2020.