Walking in Step with the Spirit - Part 1

As trials arise, I find I don’t posses the strength to get through each one. I feel weak, stuck, and unsure of myself. The fear that pulsates through my veins feels like its freezing time. I cannot move. I cannot breathe. I feel stuck in this body with full mental clarity of what’s going on around me, but I’m bound…motionless…enslaved.

I’ve been enslaved like a prisoner - chained by my own personal turmoil. I heard myself think, “why do I do this to myself?” I wanted so desperately to move forward. To take a step and begin, but even if I was physically going through the motions in life, my soul was not.

There was a disconnect. My heart, my mind, and my soul all said something different. Even if they were lined up for a moment, there were thoughts whispering to me that said I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t do it. Someone is much better at this than I am. I tried to shut the thoughts down. They were so much stronger then I was.

I would often turn on Lauren Daigle’s song, “You Say.” Her beautiful voice accompanied by lyrics, that seemed as though they were written specifically for me, helped for the moment. I could still hear the voices telling me I was not enough. I continued to feel like I was sinking in quick sand and there was a large oak dresser laying on my chest. It was making it difficult to breathe. I would have so many thoughts going on inside of my mind and I couldn’t think clearly.

What could I do? How could I shut this off? Make it stop! Make it stop, LORD!

“Make it stop, LORD.” That’s it....LORD.

Who is God, anyways? Okay Ashley, think about who God is. Think about His characteristics. Who has He been in history? Who has He been to people around me? Who has He been to me personally?

God is Creator. The Hebrew for God, as our Creator, is Elohim. He made everything in existence with a word from His mouth (Genesis 1-2). The bright sun that we see that lights the day. The numerous twinkling stars and moon that brighten the night. Oh, the beauty, the majesty! I cannot even grasp how large the world and heavens around it are when I look at the sky. It seems close enough that I could touch it, when I stretch my hand out as far as my fingers can reach, yet…vastly afar.

Wow, LORD! Thank You for the light. Thank You that Your light overcomes the darkness. Please, overcome this darkness that is within me right now, LORD. You spoke this light into existence, I beg you to speak it over my mind, body, and spirit right now, Father.

Deep breath in……(exhale while I close my eyes)…..

A second deep breath in…..(exhale deeply once more)……

God is my Father in heaven. Father, in the original Hebrew, is AB, but modern Hebrew says Abba (Daddy). My Abba Father cares for me. He has plans for me and hopes for my future. He knows me better than anyone. He knows me better than I know myself! His will and plans are better than anything I could imagine.

Is it God’s will for me to feel this way? I firmly believe that anything He allows us to go through is for a reason. What could the reason for all of this be? It makes me feel isolated and broken.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Father God (Elohim my Abba), You are my comfort. You comfort me in my affliction so that I can comfort those while they are afflicted. Thank you for your mercy.

Is there a purpose to all of this? Am I supposed to share these thoughts with others? Will people even understand? Perhaps I am alone in all of this? But I just read in 2 Corinthians that we are called to comfort each other as You have comforted us. But…what do I say to them?

Seek God.

Trust God.

Obey God.

Just two attributes in and I felt more at ease. The trials were still there, they hadn’t left or suddenly changed in circumstance, so what happened?

I focused on God. On who He is. On what He’s done. On His plans for my life. Perhaps it was God’s Spirit that gave me those specific attributes as Elohim and Abba that reminded me of how small I am.

While I imagined God’s creation and the endless stars out in space I was reminded of how small my problems are in the grand scheme of eternity. The problems continue to arise, and they try their best to take me down, but my focus has now changed. My thoughts on the matter have shifted. As I hold each thought captive to Christ, and weigh them against His truth in scripture, I see that no matter what I am facing today, or will face tomorrow, it is nothing God hasn’t already seen.

Please note, this took more then just a few deep breaths in and out with my eyes closed. I took my time and truly meditated on Elohim and how He comforts. In the moment that I read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, I was empowered. I no longer felt prisoner by the fear and anxiety. I knew that I could share my journey with others and maybe someone out there could be comforted? Maybe, something I would write could help someone breathe in deeply and exhale and in that moment that they would open their eyes, they too, would be empowered and no longer enslaved?

You see, YHWH (Yahweh - God’s name in original Hebrew) has seen our yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. He could spare us from these trials in life, but every single hardship I have gone through has made me more wise and stronger than I was before the situation.

Therefore, by the grace and will of Elohim, I take that wisdom and strength and hope to grow even more in the next trial. It still doesn’t make the difficulties better or disappear, but it gives them purpose. I cling to the hope that one day Yahshua (Hebrew for Jesus) will return and wipe away every tear and take away the pain we are facing.

Until that day, I do not want to live this life stuck in a pit of despair. No! I want to stand victorious as an adopted daughter of YHWH. I want to experience joy over fear. I want to be the good in the world. I want more…I want better!

Over the next few blogs, that I publish, I am going to go through the journey that I have been on to uncover the freedom and hope that we have in Yahshua. These are the things I have learned that have taken the veil off of my eyes so I could see things for what they are. I have learned to experience joy and hope in my struggles.

I pray that you will learn the steps and tools to apply in your own life so that as your own trials arise, you can shake the darkness that cripples us frozen in our tracks, and learn to walk boldly and victoriously in step with the Spirit of Elohim.

Please reach out to me with any prayer requests or comments that you have as we trek through this journey, together. The enemy wants us to feel isolated. He may try telling you that your issues are foreign matters that no one else would ever understand.

Listen to me, you are NOT alone!

There is not one single struggle out there that is for just one person. We are called to bear each others burdens and confess our sins to each other so that we can be there for one another. United as the body of Christ. We can’t do this thing called life alone. We are called to be there for one another. (Read Galatians 6:2; James 5:16; 1 Corinthians 12:12-27; 1 John 1:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

~I want to encourage you to seek YHWH by reading His word and praying every day this week.~

~I want to encourage you to have compassion for those around you and pray for them.~

There is something supernatural that happens when we take the time for our relationship with Abba Father. When we have compassion for those around us, and pray for them, we are activating our role as heirs in Yahshua and intervening for ourselves and others on a supernatural platform.

Seeking YHWH in these ways is often overlooked and laughed upon as though they are powerless. Please try it this week. I have prayed that YWHW will show up in a mighty way and prove to you how faithful and active He wants to be in your life.

Are you wanting something more? Something better? I was! YHWH was faithful to me as I have been on this journey. I humbled myself and got down on my knees countless times crying out to Him before I felt like I was finally getting somewhere.

He knows our hearts. He knows if we are truly ready to surrender to Him and seek His will for our lives over our own plans. That’s why this is a journey. For some people, you may have already started your journey to truth and freedom. Therefore, some of the things we will talk about will give you more immediate results. For those of you who are just now realizing there is more to life, and you need a relationship with Yahshua, give yourself grace and time. YHWH wants our full hearts and desires to have a relationship with you. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, so please be patient as we unlock a few steps at a time.

For now, read your bibles and pray. Be honest with Abba Father about what you are thinking and feeling. Be compassionate to others. Pray for them, help them. Do something kind and selfless by blessing someone.

I look forward to hearing from you and I am praying for this journey that we are on together.

Be blessed. Seek YHWH. Share the truth.

Lots of love,

Ashley Austin

@notmessmama