Walking in Step with the Spirit - Part 3

Think about a good, new pair of running shoes. The latest design and how it was created to be more breathable and support your new feet in just the right ways. They fit just right and support your arches and ankles to help prevent any future injuries. The look is new and improved. Splashes of bright neon colors that stand bold against the subtle grey or black trim. The creator of your favorite brand of running shoes has been releasing new and improved pairs, every season, for years. If you are an avid runner, or athlete of any kind, you know that every season it is usually time for a new pair of shoes. Either your soles have been wore thin or the insoles just don’t hold up like they used to. Whatever the reason, if we wear shoes long enough, it is always eventually time for a new pair.

I love shopping for new running shoes. Trying them on in the store and running the the faux track inside. Racing my kids so they are within eyesight and getting energy out, within my boundaries, rather than throwing boxes of shoes at each other’s faces when I am in the aisle next to them. Just enough out of my sight that they feel the freedom and audacity to risk such a brave choice, but still, I can hear everything! Please tell me I am not the only one with those kids in the store? Nonetheless, I have learned from our experiences of family shopping and I know to have my three “little ones” running with me on that faux track.

If the shoes fit good, and I like the support, I will ask my kids how they look on me? My two boys really don’t care, they are ready to move on to the fishing or camping gear, so they have pretty much zoned out after our little faux race. My daughter, on the other hand, she is invested in anything shopping. She is the perfect shopping partner. If she likes something, I am picking out or trying on, she enthusiastically celebrates the victorious find. She, also, tells me when something isn’t flattering or if the color isn’t right. She is always so gentle and sweet when she has to let me down easy. As heart sinking as it, sometimes, is to hear those negative truths from my baby girl’s mouth, I ask her because, I know, she gives them honestly, and in love.

When I think about walking in step with the Spirit, I often think of putting on my faith like a pair of running shoes. Sometimes, I will find the perfect pair and they fit great in the beginning, but over time, for whatever reason, the road gets tough and my faith, just like a, once perfect, pair of new shoes, can wear out. Our relationships with God must be taken care of.

At first, its easy to wipe the mud or dirt from my shoes because they are new and exciting to me. If I am not intentional and careful to take the time, I almost always stop wiping them off, at some point. After a few weeks of running through the dust on the road, or even the rain, and after much sweat and blood from every step and blister that goes into each mile, I find myself smelling the stench that has built up, over time.

How do we protect our relationships with God, so they won’t end up like a wore down stinky pair of old running shoes? What measures can we take to wipe off the dirt that was collected each day? I believe it is as bittersweet as studying the fruit of the Holy Spirit and some other scriptures that line up, along side them.

Bittersweet? What a funny word choice? Why bittersweet, you may wonder? Bitter, because if we don’t know where to look or how to apply them, it can seem overwhelming and pointless. Sweet, because it is actually easier then we think. Elohim (Hebrew for Creator God) has already given us what we need, we just have to slow down enough to hear what He is telling us.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my relationship with Elohim to wear out and be tossed aside like I do with an old pair of sneakers. That’s why I sat down one day on my balcony and began searching the Bible for Scriptures that I could use to apply Elohim’s Word into my daily life. Would this be what I need to help equip my Spiritual feet in comfort, style, and protection?

“YHWH (Yahweh), reveal to Your servant what we can do to wear a holy pair of shoes that will keep us in step with Your Set-Apart Spirit. We need a fresh pair of sneakers that won’t give out on us when the road gets long and tough. You are a faithful provider and I thank You in advance for what You will reveal to us. In Your Son Jesus’ name, Amen.”

A year ago, I was sent a “friend request” on social media from a family member that I haven’t been in contact with for years. The reasons for the ending of this relationship are not the focus of today’s subject, but I can truthfully say I have forgiven him, but due to the circumstances of what happened it was a decision between my husband and I that we do not see this person, any longer.

The truth is, until recently, every time I had seen this person or even heard his name mentioned in conversation, I was filled with anxiety and overcome with fear. The fact is, although I have given the circumstances from the past to Elohim, and I could humbly pray for this person’s salvation, the darkness that was still in this person’s life continued to leave me haunted by the past. Even as a redeemed and free woman in Christ, how could I have been so enslaved by the mention of this person’s name or seeing their picture online? How could I go from having an incredible morning filled with worship and joy to feelings of nausea, light-headed dizziness, and it leaving me with physical heart palpitations? A season of trauma that happened decades ago still had such crippling power over me.

I tried distracting myself with chores. When I am stressed, I clean. The dishes and laundry were both loaded. The cabinets were organized and scrubbed. Every piece of paper, toy, and articles of clothing had been put away. An hour had passed and I was still a hot mess. I couldn’t breathe or focus on anything besides how I was physically and emotionally feeling. The memories of my past were racing around in my mind and I had to intentionally focus on something else; but what? What else could I do to get over this fear that had consumed me like wild fire?

I called my husband and let him know what was going on. I asked him to make sure his social media privacy settings were all up to date and this person wouldn’t have the ability to find me and my family. (This may give you an idea of how fearful I truly was)

Chris reminded me we were safe. He reassured me our social media privacy settings were on and would block this person from seeing where we were. I cried out to him because I couldn’t shake the anxiety and fear that were weighing me down. I knew what I would suggest to people to help them with this. Have you prayed? Have you forgiven the person so the enemy can’t have a hold? Yes...Yes....So why does the enemy obviously still have this hold!?

At that moment, a lightbulb went off in my head. The sword of the Spirit. Hit him with the sword of the Spirit. Yes! I need the Word of Elohim! I didn’t have enough clarity to know where to go in the Bible, at that specific moment, so I did a good ol’ search engine “Scriptures for fear”. I clicked on several links leading me to scriptures that I could write on my white erase board, in my dining room, and look at throughout the day.

That wasn’t enough. I needed more....

I opened up my journal and began copying verse after verse on that lined paper with my green ink pen....

“Say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your Elohim will come, He will come with vengeance; {insert my thought: ooh: “vengeance,” that’s good!} with divine retribution He will come to save you.” - Isaiah 35:4

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” - John 14:27

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not fear, for YHWH your Elohim is with you wherever you go.” - Joshua 1:9

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” - Psalm 23:4

“I sought YHWH, and He answered me; He delivered me from all of my fears.” - Psalm 34:4

Lightbulb! Of course!

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of Elohim, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” - Matthew 6:33.

This verse had been heavy on my heart for the last year. Before that, it was heavy on my husband’s heart for years!

What is Elohim trying to tell me? Over-and-over again, He is whispering this promise to me...Seek Him and His righteousness and, just like it says in Psalm 34:4, “He answered me; He delivered me from all of my fears.”

I closed my eyes and took several deep, focused breathes. I felt the wind on my face as I continued breathing slowly. I smelled my wrist to get the aroma from the comforting essential oil blend I rolled on when the anxiety first came over me. Sweet notes of rose and the spicy manly musk of patchouli, frankincense and ylang ylang revived my senses. The aroma was pleasant and I focused on that scripture over and over while I did my deep, slow breathing. I didn’t want to stop. I could finally breathe without the weight of the world on my chest, but I still felt a little flutter in my heart. I needed more, back to the Word…

“When anxiety was great within me, Your consultation brought me joy.” - Psalm 94:19

Wow! YHWH is so good to us! Even when we are drowning in anxiety, He still wants to console me and bring me joy. - Side note (or “God detail," if you will)...the essential oil blend I put on my wrist when this all first happened was doTERRA “Console.” Pretty fitting if you ask me, haha!

Would you believe me if I told you, it was after reading that scripture that my heart palpitations went away? I wanted to read a few more verses to see what else YHWH wanted to tell me.

“YHWH is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? YHWH is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? - Psalm 27:1

I remembered learning more about strongholds in Priscilla Shire’s “Armor of God” study. I thought for a few minutes about how fear and anxiety are a stronghold of mine. Something that the enemy has used to keep me enslaved to my sins and that I have been working so hard to surrender to Elohim. I became more curious and searched the definition of stronghold.

Stronghold - noun 1. A place that has been fortified so as to protect against attack. 2. A place where a particular cause or belief is strong defended or upheld.

I have been allowing the enemy to use fear and anxiety as strongholds in my life when YHWH’s Word says He alone is supposed to have that role in our lives! This hit me hard! Every time I allow fear and anxiety to cripple me, I put them in the role that YHWH is supposed to have, in my life.

Every time I allow this person, from my past, to cripple me and bring back a floodgate of darkness and traumatic memories, I am allowing him to take the place of Elohim, in my life. What have I been doing!? I repent YHWH! I am sorry for allowing the fear and anxiety that has ruled over me, for so long, to creep in and steal Your role in my life. A Holy and Righteous place that is designated for You and You alone has been taken over, time after time, with these sinful attributes that do not belong to me, as your redeemed daughter.

Thinking back on this moment, I get fired up. I get mad and my soul gets rowdy. How dare the enemy use what happened to me to take the unique and personal role, in my life, that YHWH my Elohim has designated for Himself!? When I think about how overwhelming and consuming my fear and anxieties have been, I often wonder how overwhelmed and consumed I could be if I put YHWH back in that role? How much more bold and confident would I be with YHWH as my stronghold?

The characteristics that fear and anxiety have on my life are selfish, ugly, and from the evil one. The characteristics that come from Elohim being my stronghold are peace, strength, comfort, boldness, empowerment, victory, and so much more. Those are the characteristics I want to overwhelm and consume me. With those characteristics, YHWH could use me for endless wonders.

What can I do to keep YHWH enthroned in my life the next time fear and anxiety come knocking at my door? I see now, that I did things a little backward when I received that “friend request” and I have been blind for so long. I should have gone straight to the Word and received my strength from His truth.

I thank Elohim’s Holy Spirit for placing it on my heart to break out the sword of the Spirit and search Scripture. I truly feel more light and freer then ever. I have clarity and focus and I am seeing YHWH in the right place, in my life. I am able to call out the enemy for the schemes he has been playing on me throughout my lifetime.

I can clearly see the enemy waging war against me and using my mind and past traumas to keep YHWH off of His throne in my life. It makes sense, now, why it was so easy to fall back into the fear and anxiety trap when I saw that person on social media. I can tell you that right now as I think of the things that happened to me in my past and imagine that person’s face, I no longer feel that crippling fear. I feel strong, brave, and free. I feel so empowered that I am going to sign off of here and rock out to Francesca Battistelli’s “The Breakup Song” because “fear, you don’t own me!”

Be blessed. Seek YHWH. Share the truth.

Lots of love,

Ashley Austin

@notmessmama